Links That Rocked My Week

Changing things up here a bit on the blog. For Saturdays, I'm scrapping the Happiness Is section and instead adding something that might be more useful to you all. Going forth the Saturday post will be links to other articles or videos that I discovered during the week that spoke to my heart. So here we go.

I've been writing a lot about passion lately and what it means to "find your passion". I'm stellarly excited to find some great posts out there in blogland this week pertaining to this topic.

How To Find Your Passion by Christine Kane. I love some of the ideas Christine presents here. She removes the pressure of finding this thing called PASSION and makes it simple and within reach for those of us who think passion has to be some grandiose thing that makes us want to shout from the mountain tops.

Finding Your Passion by Tyan. Tyan ads to something I've been touting about here- the idea that the passion thing is more about BEING rather than DOING. Check it out.

You Don't Need a Job, You Need Guts by Ashley Ambirge. Ash's blog is one of my faves. She is definitely a Rut Disruptor. This is her new book and I'm digging it. There is a fabulous section in the book about passion finding. Her theory is to combine what you love doing with who you want to BE. She explains it in a way that will captivate you as all her writing does so well.

Alright passion hunters! That's it for now. I expect some serious passion discovering to occur in the next few days. Got it?  I think even I might be figuring some things out. Dang!

Disruption Mission: No Identity Day

All the world's a stage

and all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many  parts.

-Shakespeare

photo credit: Ivan Bliznetsov

For centuries philosophers have stated that the ego is an illusion. Shakespeare's quote suggests that we are like actors and our very identity is just a "role" that we play for 80 or so years. The ego illusion concept is a core belief in Eastern thought as well.

Before we delve into our next mission, let us define what we mean by "ego". Simply put we mean our "self", our identity. One definition reads, "The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves." For me anything that defines who TORRIE is- that is part of ego. When I say I am an introvert, an artist, a mother, a person who hates beets- those are all just roles that "I" am currently playing. So if I am not really Torrie, I'm just playing the role of a woman named Torrie, then who am I really? I refer to that part as the AUTHENTIC SELF.

So herein lies the problem...
when I constantly forget that I am not really my ego. We get so sucked in to our story about ourselves that we believe it is concrete. In fact, we go out of our way to force things to fit into our little story about who we are because we don't want our story (our identity) to be DISRUPTED because that makes us feel very uncomfortable. We do this all the time when we say things like, "Oh, I can't meet new people because I am shy." So we go around playing the role of a shy person, and totally forget that we are just playing a role that is totally based on an illusion. Are you with me still?

I've been messing around with this ego stuff and having a grand ol' time with it. And I'm going to state a bold and super fun challenge for all of us: Pick one day and truly believe that your ego is a total fabrication of your own mind. If you find this hard to swallow, then just PRETEND, act as if your ego is an illusion... just for a single day. Are you willing to play along with me?

Now, what you will do during this assignment is to notice how you respond to things. Ask yourself, "How would I respond if I knew the ego wasn't real?" or another question I love from Byron Katie goes: Who would I be without my story?

For me I notice that I don't take anything personally because...well, it makes no sense to do so. When that dumb driver cuts me off (or flips me off) I wonder why they are having a bad day. I imagine that person laughing with joy, or crying with sorrow. I don't go, "You lousy #@#$%!!! What the F**** is your problem? Why are YOU taking your crap out on ME?" In other words I don't try to defend my SELF.

When the kids are behaving badly, I don't try to defend and justify my super-mom role. When something doesn't go according to plan I don't try to defend it. This allows me to see any situation with a crazy amount of detached clarity.

This is also a very powerful technique to use when facing a fear.
If we believe (or pretend to believe) that we have no real "self" to defend, then suddenly the idea of fearing failure seems absurd. And the absolute BEST part of all this is that when you begin to pull away from your ego the AUTHENTIC SELF begins to emerge. And all I can say about that is WOW. 

So won't you join me for one fine day of egoless living? Warning: if you try this you may want to keep trying it. Proceed with CAUTION.

Do Unto Yourself as you Do Unto Others

Here's a question: Why are we so hard on ourselves? If a loved one falls, screws up, or misses the mark how do we respond? We offer encouragement don't we? A listening ear, an understanding heart. We bring to their mind all the successes they've had, the unique talents they bring to the world. We help them however we can and wait patiently while they work through their personal disaster.

Now then...what is the response when WE ourselves do something less than stellar? We calls ourselves names, remember all our past failures, put ourselves down. Basically any form of "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" comes springing forth and we just accept it like we deserve the punishment. Like somehow we are making it better by tormenting ourselves.

Where does this "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" come from?

Not on an individual basis, but as a human species. Did the caveman say, "Me only catch one bear today. Me not good enough." Seriously. It's like a mental virus (a meme) that has spread through the human psyche. We can love anyone else through their issues, but no way, not our own self.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH is just an idea, a mental construct that we "catch" from our culture like a disease.

It isn't real. Let me say that again. It. Isn't. Real. We have the ability to extend grace, love, and patience to ourselves, just as we would any other loved one. I have discovered a very powerful question. I ask this to myself whenever I notice me beating myself up. The question is this...

"How would I be in this situation if I had no ego?"

Now I know your little ego is screaming out in resistance right now. Whether you believe the ego is real or not, just play along. Next time you feel the urge to begin hurling insults at yourself step back for a moment. Imagine your best friend is in the situation. What would you say to them? How much love can you pour on? Imagine that you have no ego to defend. If you can't let go of "ego" fine. At least remember all the past successes you've had. But for goodness sake, do for yourself what you so easily extend to others.

Yowza! I feel the next Disruption Mission coming on after writing this. Can you guess where we're gonna go? Stay tuned. It's gonna be a doozy!!

To BE or not to BE?

The bulk of my life has been spent obsessing over “doing” stuff. I must DO something in order to achieve something so I can feel fulfilled for 2 seconds. Then I must strive to find the next thing to DO, so I can DO it again. Of course the next phase of DOING must be grander than the previous, otherwise I am not progressing which means I am failing and basically wasting my time on this planet. No matter what I DO it’s never enough. There is always some other elusive “over there” to arrive at. I am tired of living like this.

 

Just DO it!

Our culture tells us that we must DO in order to BE successful.  So we fill our days with ridiculous busyness, DOING crap that doesn’t matter: shuffling our kids to numerous activities, fixing broken possessions or acquiring new ones, working at jobs we hate and commuting to those jobs. Everyone I know is so darn busy they don’t even have time for developing real relationships. Leisure time is spent in a pre-packaged activity that must end by a certain time so we can get to another appointment on time. 

If I take away everything I DO out of obligation, and everything I DO to feel fulfilled there is nothing but a hollow shell of a person.

Thus enters the concept of “being”. We seem to have the idea that we must DO something in order to become who we want to BE. How about the notion that we must BE first? If I am totally in a place of BEING then anything I DO will arise naturally from my beingness, not from a place of “I’m empty, so DOING this will fill me.” This is what Taoism means by “non-action”. I love the notion of just BEING a mother, a wife, a friend, a filmmaker and not worrying about the DOING part.

But what does it mean to BE? 

I would say a BEING person is one who is totally in the moment, no concern over past or future. They would live from a continually spontaneous place with absolute detachment from whatever DOING arises.

“Who cares?” Some of you may be saying. But for me this is a fascinating mental shift. One that I am going to explore more. 

For example yesterday I was DOING laundry. 

I detest laundry. So rather than thinking about how I have to DO the laundry (and feeling resentful about it) I decided to BE the person who does laundry. I totally focused on BEING in the process vs DOING so I can get this crap done so I can DO something else and cross it off my list and feel happy for half a second. It was really quite amazing. What does it mean to BE a mother vs DOING all the stuff mom’s DO? It is almost like you are concentrating on the role itself, not the job a role performs. 

It is much like being an actor. 

An actor focuses on playing the role. The stuff the character DOES is secondary. Also, the actor knows she is just playing a role so she is quite detached from the results of her character’s activities (doing). I am very excited about this! I love the idea of just BEING and not striving to DO DO DO all the time. What do you think?

Happines Is: dancing with abandon

Surrounded by a hundred sweaty bodies

Lost in tribal rhythms

Leaving ego at the door

Dancing harder than I've danced in years

Letting everything go

Pure Bliss