Throwing Goals out the Window

Happy 2011 everyone! Have you broken any New Year's Resolutions yet? Just kidding. Hopefully we can go at least one week before doing that.

I know a lot of people set goals this time of year. I am an ex-goal-fanatic. I've been goal-free for about two years now and don't see myself going back anytime soon. Now allow me to insert a disclaimer before proceeding. I think goals are great for many people. They can get people moving in the right direction and help create the motivation to keep moving forward. However, I also think goals can be harmful if we hang on to them too tightly.  Most goal-setting programs tell us to set specific measurable goals. ie a time deadline or a certain dollar amount. But I now disagree with this method after doing otherwise for a couple years. Here's why...

1. Goals cause unnecessary stress. I would always feel terrible if I didn't hit my goal. I would beat myself up about it and be blind to the progress I did achieve. I would then start pushing myself even harder and typically end up sick, tired, and fed up with both the goal and myself.

2. Goals cause laziness. On the flip side, when I did achieve a goal I would routinely become complacent afterward. For example, I used to have a set dollar amount I wanted to earn each month. Some months I'd hit the mark in two weeks. I could never get much done for the rest of the month. I think on a subconscious level I knew I hit my goal, so why work even harder? It took me some time to recognize this pattern because I wasn't doing it intentionally, but it happened enough times that I eventually make the connection that as soon as I hit the goal I would tune out and become a slacker.

3. Goals blind us to other opportunities. I was so focused on my goal that if anything different presented itself it was seen as an annoyance or a roadblock. Never an opportunity. Goals put us in a state of tunnel vision and I think we end up missing a lot of fun things or other creative possibilities by keeping our eye on the prize.

This isn't to say that we should wander around aimlessly. But I think we need a fresh way to approach achievement and goals. I think we need to spend more time appreciating what we already have right now. So many goals are rooted in a belief that once achieving them we will be happier. But any goal that is born from a lack mentality will not fulfill us once attained.  We need new ways of setting goals that don't limit us or stress us out. Instead...

1. Set intentions. I have been experimenting with setting very loose intentions. I have certain areas of life that I want to focus on, but I don't put specifics on it anymore. I find I can be more flexible, less stressed if I miss the mark because there is no mark, and more grateful for what I am able to attain.

2. Be the right person. Rather than setting goals that are externally measurable, try setting the intention of being the best version of yourself no matter the external circumstance. This is way more fun and interesting. Through out the day I ask myself "How would the best me do this activity?" (I even ask this when doing laundry.) This allows us to know we are "living up to our potential" no matter what we are doing.

3. Gratitude for what is. The best thing about dumping goals is that it allows me to notice and appreciate what I already have. I find I live more in the present and less in some "grass is greener" future that goals would lure me into.

2011 is going to be a fascinating year. I am looking forward to seeing what comes along life's path this year. Really my only "goal" this year is to be the best ME I can and to remind myself to do that. I wish you the best on your life journey as well! Let's make 2011 the best one yet! If you are interested in more articles on goalless living:
http://zenhabits.net/no-goal/
http://zenhabits.net/achieving/

Holiday Hiatus

I'm taking a blogging break for the rest of the year to enjoy holiday time with friends and family. Look forward to getting more disruptive behavior going in 2011!! Happy Holidays!

Links That Rocked My Week

Alright Disruptors, more passion-finding-rut-disrupting links for your weekend! 

How Does Your Garden Grow? A Gentle Guide to Nourishing the Best in You by Gail Brenner: A lovely post about being gentle with yourself as you whether the passion discovering storm.

Why We're Bored (and how to fix it) by Mike Donghia. A treasure of a post offering up some scrumptious ideas for disrupting your rut.

Reclaim Your Creativity: 3 Steps to Bust Through Inaction by Tara Gentile. You somehow find yourself locked in the room of status quo. I can sure identify with this article, can you?

Links That Rocked My Week

Changing things up here a bit on the blog. For Saturdays, I'm scrapping the Happiness Is section and instead adding something that might be more useful to you all. Going forth the Saturday post will be links to other articles or videos that I discovered during the week that spoke to my heart. So here we go.

I've been writing a lot about passion lately and what it means to "find your passion". I'm stellarly excited to find some great posts out there in blogland this week pertaining to this topic.

How To Find Your Passion by Christine Kane. I love some of the ideas Christine presents here. She removes the pressure of finding this thing called PASSION and makes it simple and within reach for those of us who think passion has to be some grandiose thing that makes us want to shout from the mountain tops.

Finding Your Passion by Tyan. Tyan ads to something I've been touting about here- the idea that the passion thing is more about BEING rather than DOING. Check it out.

You Don't Need a Job, You Need Guts by Ashley Ambirge. Ash's blog is one of my faves. She is definitely a Rut Disruptor. This is her new book and I'm digging it. There is a fabulous section in the book about passion finding. Her theory is to combine what you love doing with who you want to BE. She explains it in a way that will captivate you as all her writing does so well.

Alright passion hunters! That's it for now. I expect some serious passion discovering to occur in the next few days. Got it?  I think even I might be figuring some things out. Dang!

Disruption Mission: No Identity Day

All the world's a stage

and all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many  parts.

-Shakespeare

photo credit: Ivan Bliznetsov

For centuries philosophers have stated that the ego is an illusion. Shakespeare's quote suggests that we are like actors and our very identity is just a "role" that we play for 80 or so years. The ego illusion concept is a core belief in Eastern thought as well.

Before we delve into our next mission, let us define what we mean by "ego". Simply put we mean our "self", our identity. One definition reads, "The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves." For me anything that defines who TORRIE is- that is part of ego. When I say I am an introvert, an artist, a mother, a person who hates beets- those are all just roles that "I" am currently playing. So if I am not really Torrie, I'm just playing the role of a woman named Torrie, then who am I really? I refer to that part as the AUTHENTIC SELF.

So herein lies the problem...
when I constantly forget that I am not really my ego. We get so sucked in to our story about ourselves that we believe it is concrete. In fact, we go out of our way to force things to fit into our little story about who we are because we don't want our story (our identity) to be DISRUPTED because that makes us feel very uncomfortable. We do this all the time when we say things like, "Oh, I can't meet new people because I am shy." So we go around playing the role of a shy person, and totally forget that we are just playing a role that is totally based on an illusion. Are you with me still?

I've been messing around with this ego stuff and having a grand ol' time with it. And I'm going to state a bold and super fun challenge for all of us: Pick one day and truly believe that your ego is a total fabrication of your own mind. If you find this hard to swallow, then just PRETEND, act as if your ego is an illusion... just for a single day. Are you willing to play along with me?

Now, what you will do during this assignment is to notice how you respond to things. Ask yourself, "How would I respond if I knew the ego wasn't real?" or another question I love from Byron Katie goes: Who would I be without my story?

For me I notice that I don't take anything personally because...well, it makes no sense to do so. When that dumb driver cuts me off (or flips me off) I wonder why they are having a bad day. I imagine that person laughing with joy, or crying with sorrow. I don't go, "You lousy #@#$%!!! What the F**** is your problem? Why are YOU taking your crap out on ME?" In other words I don't try to defend my SELF.

When the kids are behaving badly, I don't try to defend and justify my super-mom role. When something doesn't go according to plan I don't try to defend it. This allows me to see any situation with a crazy amount of detached clarity.

This is also a very powerful technique to use when facing a fear.
If we believe (or pretend to believe) that we have no real "self" to defend, then suddenly the idea of fearing failure seems absurd. And the absolute BEST part of all this is that when you begin to pull away from your ego the AUTHENTIC SELF begins to emerge. And all I can say about that is WOW. 

So won't you join me for one fine day of egoless living? Warning: if you try this you may want to keep trying it. Proceed with CAUTION.