Here's a question: Why are we so hard on ourselves? If a loved one falls, screws up, or misses the mark how do we respond? We offer encouragement don't we? A listening ear, an understanding heart. We bring to their mind all the successes they've had, the unique talents they bring to the world. We help them however we can and wait patiently while they work through their personal disaster.
Now then...what is the response when WE ourselves do something less than stellar? We calls ourselves names, remember all our past failures, put ourselves down. Basically any form of "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" comes springing forth and we just accept it like we deserve the punishment. Like somehow we are making it better by tormenting ourselves.
Where does this "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" come from?
Not on an individual basis, but as a human species. Did the caveman say, "Me only catch one bear today. Me not good enough." Seriously. It's like a mental virus (a meme) that has spread through the human psyche. We can love anyone else through their issues, but no way, not our own self.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH is just an idea, a mental construct that we "catch" from our culture like a disease.
It isn't real. Let me say that again. It. Isn't. Real. We have the ability to extend grace, love, and patience to ourselves, just as we would any other loved one. I have discovered a very powerful question. I ask this to myself whenever I notice me beating myself up. The question is this...
"How would I be in this situation if I had no ego?"
Now I know your little ego is screaming out in resistance right now. Whether you believe the ego is real or not, just play along. Next time you feel the urge to begin hurling insults at yourself step back for a moment. Imagine your best friend is in the situation. What would you say to them? How much love can you pour on? Imagine that you have no ego to defend. If you can't let go of "ego" fine. At least remember all the past successes you've had. But for goodness sake, do for yourself what you so easily extend to others.
Yowza! I feel the next Disruption Mission coming on after writing this. Can you guess where we're gonna go? Stay tuned. It's gonna be a doozy!!
I couldn't agree more. It's an interesting idea to bring the ego into it. Do I think I'm so superior that I shouldn't make mistakes but it's fine, expected even, for everyone else to make them?
ReplyDeleteI'm not nearly as hard on myself as I used to be, maybe all the years of making mistakes has made me realize I'm never going to be "cured" of it.